


Till My Heart Stops

by tayotto



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cigarettes, Drug Use, Fluff, Humor, M/M, atleast I tried for humor, depressing topics, heavy shit, that's all for now folks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tayotto/pseuds/tayotto
Summary: I almost diedThe day I lost you,I'll keep breathingTill my heart stops





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just writing this to get my feelings out about my favourite friendship/couple/whatever the hell they are.  
> there will definitely be more chapters, i'd love if you left comments to help me improve :)

“Why does everybody hate you Nick?” Troy said, obviously holding back laughter, “Sounds like you were a real treat back in the day.”  
Nick refused to look at the man driving, and just stared out at the paved road and buildings. He thought of an answer without giving up too much, a hint of annoyance in his voice, “Old news, and not your business.”  
“Besides, Alycia’s wrong. That’s not why I stayed at the ranch.” He mumbled after a pause.  
“No? Why did you stay?”  
“Travis was dead, and Luciana was sick, but my mom was falling apart.” As Nick spoke, Troy broke out into a smiling laughter. Nick finally looked at him, lip curled in disgust. Why the hell was he laughing?  
“So, I had to keep it together…” His voice began to trail off as Troy kept chuckling.  
“That’s bullshit, it’s bullshit,” Troy threw his hand up in a gesture and looked Nick in the eyes.  
“Then why don’t you tell me why I stayed?” Nick still held a look of repulsion on his face.  
“Alright, you stayed at the ranch because you love me. It’s alright.” Troy declared in his always casual, charming tone, raising his hand to suggest his statement was obvious.  
Nick furrowed his brows for a split-second, but couldn’t pretend and let out a soft laugh himself.  
“‘know, you and me, we’re more alike than you think,” Troy continued to talk, not wanting to leave an awkward silence, “black sheep, children of violence. It’s just you wish you weren’t.”  
Nick looked at Troy, an overwhelming sense of realising that this man, this man who he’d originally feared what he was capable of, was now his best friend. His only friend. Peculiarly, it didn’t unsettle Nick in any way – only soothed him.  
He knew what Troy said was true, they were both unwelcomed by others – seen as freaks, Nick a good-for-nothing druggie, Troy a violent, manipulative psychopath. That was only the surface of the iceberg though, they were both so much more than that, and they were both able to see that in each other.

“Take the mattress, I’ll take the floor.” Troy told Nick, not a question but a statement.  
“I’m used to floors. You think I haven’t woke up on enough of them without a fucking clue where I am?” Nick couldn’t stop thinking about taking the brain stems again, an itch in the back of his mind that he wasn’t able to reach.  
“You think I haven’t slept on enough earth out on expeditions? Take the damn mattress, let me repay you.”  
"Repay me for what?”  
“Last night. Last night was the first time I’d felt real fear, and holy shit it was exhilarating. I’ve spent all my time in this new world embedding fear into others, and now that I really, truly felt it…” Troy trailed off, and Nick knew not to push him to answer.  
“Fine, but don’t complain when all of your bones ache in the morning.”  
“Since I’m one to complain..”  
One side of Nick’s mouth curled into a smile, but he looked away from Troy and got settled onto the mattress, getting underneath the single thin sheet. Troy shut off the gas lamp, and laid on the floor a couple of metres away from the mattress in the corner of the dingy mud room.  
Nick gave it a couple of minutes before tossing the sheet at Troy, who scrunched it up and used it as a makeshift pillow.  
“You know, Nicky, I could come and get real close to you on that mattress.” Troy is, once again, unable to hide the smirk with his voice.  
“Shut up and enjoy the sheet.” Nick nonchalantly said, and eventually drifted off. Troy fell asleep once he heard the slowing of Nick’s breath and the creaking of the springs stop, mind easing and body no longer tense.

“I’m the only one here for you, Troy. If those people knew what you are, they’d slit your throat and laugh as you bled out.” Jake mockingly laughed.  
“I hope they’d time me.” Troy looked up, unsure if he was being ironic or honest. In an instant, Jake was on him, and they fell through the ground.  
“The grounds soft. I could dig a grave for you real easy.” Jake’s voice was loud, a blaring gunshot in Troy’s ears. Troy rapidly blinked, eyes coming into focus - it was dark, hard to tell, but he made out the features of Nick's face hovering over his...  
“I don’t want you to die.” Nick’s voice was dozens of lovely harmonies, rhythms that Troy couldn't stop tapping his fingers to.  
“You need to leave.” Troy’s lips moved, but it wasn’t him talking. It was Jeremiah Otto controlling his words, Jeremiah Otto’s voice coming out. Troy tried to take it back, but hands on his neck, strangling him, stopped anything from slipping past his lips.  
Nick moved his knees from Troy’s sides, and stood, rising like the Eiffel tower.  
“Nick. I can’t lose you.” Troy finally gained the ability to communicate.  
Nick’s reply was to spit acid, burning holes in Troy’s clothes and skin. Troy reached his hands upwards, but he again found himself falling. This time, into a grave.

Troy woke up, and instinctively looked in Nick’s direction. It wasn’t the nightmare that stirred Troy, he’d been living with screwed up dreams all his life and they never perturbed him anyways. Although in the presence of Nick, they multiplied in occurrence.  
What woke him was the cigarette smoke swallowing all the clean air in the room. Nick sat on his mattress edge, the blunt between his index and middle finger.  
“That shit’ll kill you.” Troy said, propping himself up on one elbow.  
“I’m suicide-proof. You know that.” Nick extended his arm, offering the stick to Troy.  
“Okay, poet.” Troy snatched the cigarette and took a long drag, then proceeded to cough violently. Nick burst into a contagious laughter, and Troy cracked a smile of his own. He passed it back to Nick.  
“I woke up awhile ago. Can’t go back to sleep.” Nick stopped laughing, a seriousness overcoming his entire appearance. He pushed up from the mattress, and walked out of the door-less room. Troy agreed to Nick’s silent request, and effortlessly rose from the ground, then followed right behind his heels.  
Nick threw a half-smile over his shoulder at Troy, having a definitive plan of where they was headed.  
“Tell me we’re not going to El Matadero again.” Troy said half-heartedly - he really wouldn’t mind experiencing that again.  
“Wait.” Nick was keeping his words to the bare minimum.  
He led them to the stands of the pre-apocalypse bullfighting arena, and went to the seats farthest up, away from the bustling scene of prostitutes and drug-addicts that found their ‘purpose’ at the trading post in the nighttime.  
Troy wanted to ask questions, but knew it best to not interrupt Nick’s thoughts - Troy was always able to tell when Nick was engulfed by his thoughts, the subtle changes in his body language which were invisible to others was all that Troy could see.  
Nick sat in a randomly chosen seat, and patted the one beside him. His cigarette was down to a stub, so he tossed it over the edge of the stadium and it went tumbling a couple hundred feet down, hitting the ground without a sound.  
Troy was fixated on Nick’s face, who was staring up at the vast array of stars.  
“It’s fucking hermosa.” Nick stated, turning to look right back at Troy. Troy just stared, his intrigued expression unwavering.  
“What? You find death beautiful, I find the whole fucking universe beautiful.” Nick smirked, clicking his tongue against the back of his teeth.  
“Fair enough.” Troy chuckled, kicking his feet up onto to chair in front of him and examining the stadium with his eyes. He’s never laughed as much with anybody else than Nick. Yeah, he’s always ironically chuckling after remarks when he’s ticked off, but they’re not in good-nature. Although it seems impossible, Nick brings out the benevolence in Troy.  
And that’s quite possibly the most unnerving thought Troy has ever had - Nick makes him feel vulnerable, because Troy has something to lose now.  
“I wouldn’t mind taking another one of those nuclei from the brain cell tonight.”  
“So you can go tell walkers about your screwed up relationship with your mom?” Troy’s smile faded as he slowly turned to face Nick again. His lips were twisted into a frown, unable to speak.  
“I’m sorry.” Troy whispered, and Nick visibly flinched.  
“What? What’s wrong?”  
“That’s the first time I’ve heard you say sorry.” Nick uttered, eyes raising to the sky again.  
Troy just shrugged, trying to play off the fact that he didn't really mean to say it, it just slipped out without warning. His own tongue betrayed his morals, but he wondered if it was actually a mistake at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s this chapter loosely followed the story line but from here on out it should stray off onto it's own path because i don't even want my troy near the dam  
> also sorry about all the dialogue between them, it's just this chapter, because they usually don't share much words i'll try and keep it closer to the actual characters


	2. Euphoric

El bazaar never settled, a world apart from what life was like at Broke Jaw Ranch. Trading was always occurring, whether it be for harmful narcotics, prostitution, or simply the basics of survival.  
Troy had never seen anything of similar scale to the trading post pre-apocalypse, he’d lived a sheltered life and didn’t complete school. The diversity of the people there bemused Troy. This was because he'd only been exposed to white men and Aboriginals and the opinion of his father, which could wrongly be assumed as racism.  
Troy pushed his quesadilla across the wooden table so it sat in front of Nick, who clearly denied the offer by backing down a vodka shot.  
The older boy caught Nick’s eyes and squinted his own, furrowing his brows. Nick wretched away from the invisible grasp and ordered another shot.  
The quesadilla sat there for a few more minutes until Troy gave up and ate it for himself, savouring the meal and surveying Nick as he continued to shoot down an array of alcohols - Troy had a sense of nostalgia from the other day.  
“Cut back on the drinks.” Troy decided to speak up when he thought about his father's problem.  
Nick only shrugged, then muttered something about ‘you don't make decisions for me.’  
Troy flew up, and began to parade away, “Ruin yourself, just don't make me watch.”  
Nick sat in penitence. He didn’t realize the other was so uptight, he’d just been trying to loosen up himself, not set Troy off. Nick contemplated pursuing the man, but dropped the idea when the woman came by with more alcohol for him. How he was going to afford this all crossed his mind for about a second, but the drinks were taking their toll and his mind was drawing a blank. In his haze, an idea to tour the bazaar seemed utterly appealing.

Troy secluded himself to their room, needing to be furtive and reserved from the rest of society. Troy was able to manipulate and charm others into following his word, but Nick was different - Nick saw right through Troy because he too was screwed up. They were both ugly ducklings, who even if they grew up and changed, their past would stick to them like oak sap.  
The last thing Troy wanted was to see Nick end up like his father; what scared him  
even more was thinking about the influence Nick had on Troy. Nick could easily catch Troy in a moment of weakness and convince him to take his first swig of alcohol. One that could lead to many.  
Troy’s arrangement of thoughts was equivalent to a murder of crows, a contingency of panicked movements and relentless dins. Nothing surprising though, his mind never slowed, been like this his whole life. He knew he needed to relax though, he already was walking on a thin line with his choice to shepherd the herd.  
Troy took the time alone to doze off on Nick’s mattress while he had the chance, because frankly, sleeping on the ground wasn’t a gratifying experience

Nick laughed with the Spanish bartender he’d found, purposely being extra friendly to the slim brunette, who was hauntingly similar to Luciana.  
Eventually, he earned his free drink that he'd been striving for. Nick never wanted to leave, the abundant supply of drinks was enough to make him trust the trading post fully.  
The woman offered Nick to come with her to her room as she leaned over the bar, but he remembered something he had to resolve, like a cloud drifting from view to reveal the thoughts behind it. The fact that he remembered as soon as the lady tried to make a move was no coincidence.  
He spoke in slow, deliberate Spanish to tell her he’d be back tomorrow, downed his drink, and put his lips to her hand before stumbling away.  
Nick wasn't quite sure how to find his way back to their room. In fact, he wasn't quite sure how to get anywhere in this mess. Tents and baskets filled with goods enclosed him, but he didn't panic - he wasn't even able to comprehend that he was in a crowd of people. The sun was just dipping below the horizon, making way for the moon and the night sky to appear later on.

Troy woke up in the early hours of the morning, he hadn’t meant to stay there for that long. He sharply inhaled, his throat aching for water. The room was still empty, and that disturbed Troy’s nerves, an anxious nervousness settling in his gut. Nick should’ve come back.  
Troy got up, stretching his arms upwards, and set off through the archway and into the halls of the bullfighting arena. He discreetly peeked into each room he passed, but since the sun hadn’t risen, he wasn’t able to make out much. Eventually, he made it out to the center of the arena, which was, naturally, teeming with people.  
Troy tried to ask around about Nick, but failed with his lack of Spanish, and the few English speakers hadn’t seen any sight of ‘a young guy with brown hair and brown eyes.’ Troy may have realized later that his description was a bit precarious and faulty.  
He resorted to calling out his friends name, which also had no result. Troy was unsure why he was so worked up over it, Nick’s the type of guy to disappear for a couple of nights and show up unharmed one day, except for maybe a terrible headache and a nasty hangover.  
That didn’t mean Troy would be unharmed though, he couldn’t make it in a scene like this without any assistance from an acquaintance, and that was true whether or not he admitted it.  
As the mission to find Nick continued without any sort of a result, Troy thought of a place where he would likely be.  
Troy climbed the several steps upwards, and looked to his left at the peak. Sprawled across several seats at the top of the stands was the man of the hour, and Troy’s whole body relaxed.  
The older boy knelt down and roughly shook Nick awake, whose eyelids only rose halfway.  
“Jesus…” Nick uttered, moving his leg then grunting when he caught it on a armrest.  
“Yeah, jesus to you too. Why the fuck are you here? You're more pale than the goddamn moon.” Troy rose and backed up, searching for Nick’s eyes under his hair that’d strewn itself across his face.  
“Meant to see you…” Nick finally sorted himself out and was seated upright, slicking his hair back.  
“Well that plan got screwed. Seriously Nicky, I don't like what you're doing.”  
Nick laughed and stood up himself, jumping over a row of seats so he could get to the centre stairs, past Troy who was blocking them. He was swaying like a madman, and then mumbled, “Nobody ever likes what I’m doing. You think that stops me?”  
“We should get out of here.”  
“What?” Nick stopped walking away from Troy and turned to face him.  
“We should go somewhere else. Leave the trading post. We don’t have to go back to Madison, just not here. Not anymore.” Troy looked down at Nick, who seemed so meager and vulnerable in the moment.  
“Why? This is our home now. It’s better than out there, there’s supplies here, there’s protection, there is people...”  
Troy took a few strides and grabbed Nick by the shoulders, “We had that at the ranch. It doesn’t last, you saw that.”  
“Yeah, and why did that happen? An idiot was guiding a horde of walkers. Don’t act like it’s not your fault, you’re why the ranch lost its supplies, it’s protection, it’s people. You’re the reason Jake is dead.” Nick spoke, but rage was not present in his monotone voice.  
Troy looked down, his breath hitching. He knew what Nick said was no stretch of the truth. “This place is destroying you. You think you’re suicide-proof Nicky, you’re wrong.”  
Nick’s lip twitched, and he was at a loss of words.  
“You’re my only friend.” Troy added, the final piece to complete the argument. His eyes said it all - he couldn't lose Nick because he was what held Troy together. Troy really had lost everything, his dad, his brother, his home. Even if the memories weren’t the best, it was what he knew his whole life, it was comfortable. This environment was unfamiliar to him, unsettling.  
Nick took a couple of minutes to think it over, weigh the odds, then finally, he nodded, “Tomorrow. It’s going to be a riot of withdrawals, I hope you know that.”  
Troy smiled, if only for a second. He knew what his dad was like when he tried to quit drinking, but Nick would be leaving behind alcohol and drugs. “You relapsed, you gotta pay the price Nicky. You’re living a new life now, no time to be wasted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the lovely comments on the last chapter!  
> sorry this chapter wasn't so great, but i think i know where i'm going with this so it should get more exciting :)  
> and sorry it's being released later than i said, i just have a lot of things to balance all at once  
> if you'd like, you can follow my ig @melancholicrjp  
> i post video edits there :) thanks and have a lovely day!  
> 


	3. Inferno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Troy retired from the bazaar, setting out for another chance, but Nick leaving behind his safe haven has it's consequences.

The boys spent their final day each gathering a bag of supplies, and then Nick indulged himself while he still had the chance. Troy shut up this time, not wanting to risk Nick withdrawing his agreement to leave.  
“No, that’s wrong. The deal was two trench knives, where’s the other?” Troy said, exasperated. He was beginning to get frustrated with the service. When the man turned around and began to rummage through his stuff, ignoring Troy, he slammed his palm on the table, “I held up my end, come on man!”  
“Troy, hey! We gotta go!”  
Troy swung his head around to see Nick, jogging and then slamming into Troy.  
“Hey, hey, what happened?” Troy questioned, eyes darting back and forth from the tent-man and Nick.  
“Got into a fight. I’ll explain later, but we have got to get out of here. Now.”  
Troy held Nick’s gaze for a few seconds, and in a spur-of-the-moment decision he crashed through the man’s table, grabbed as many melee weapons as he could, and booked it with Nick.  
They shouldered their way through the crowd, hearing the hollering of the man he robbed from. Several people stopped dead in their tracks and just stared, while others began to chase them too, but eventually gave up as the two sprinted across the grounds at an alarmingly fast pace. In their luck, they both were carrying all of their belongings, and made it out of the security gates by slowing down and acting calm there, raising no suspicions. In the parking lot, it took a couple of minutes to locate their truck, then they got out of there. When Troy was reversing out of the parking spot, Nick finally noticed the original men who’d been chasing him desperately scanning the parking lot for him, with no luck.  
This caused him to burst into a fit of laughter as Troy accelerated far away from the bullfighting ring. Troy howled as well, the adrenaline coursing through his veins.  
“I can’t believe we made it, holy shit!” Troy smirked, slowing down when they reached a long stretch of road. “A serious question, where are we going?’  
“Does it matter? It’s all shit out here, that was supposed to be your job anyways. I didn’t want to leave. We can be like travelling gypsies, not a care in the world.”  
“Don’t they dance?”  
“I don’t know. Do they?” Nick slumped in his seat, feet kicked up on the dashboard.  
“Pretty sure they do. You’ll do the dancing, I’ll do the watching.” Troy laughed, arm hanging out of his window, other loosely on the wheel.  
Nick chuckled himself, staring out at the passing land. It was vast and dry, heatwaves radiating off the horizon. A few scraggly looking plants existed, and a couple pockets of walkers littered the land. Nick noticed a SUV wrecked on the side of the road and got Troy to stop the vehicle.  
Nick hopped out of the passenger side, and cautiously stepped towards the ruin. Troy got out as well and checked the back of the vehicle, managing a few canned goods. Nick pulled on the driver’s door, but it wouldn’t budge due to a decently sized rock. When he looked through the window, he saw a walker sitting in the seat, buckled in. It’s skin hung off it’s cheekbones, and it’s eyes sank deep into it’s skull. The walker was slowly clicking it’s jaws, energy seemingly sapped out from it.  
Nick pulled out a knife that was tucked into his belt, and used the handle to smash the window in. He eyed the once-human creep for a few seconds, then pushed the edge of the blade into its head. The clicking and moaning stopped.

“You planning on telling me?” Troy piped up after the half-hour of silence.  
Nick looked at him, confusion plastered on his face.  
“What you did at the bazaar.” Troy answered his silent disarray.  
“I forgot already. Went to the slaughter yard, tried to get one last pill or anything from the bartender, then he reminded me I still hadn’t paid for some things the other day,” Nick shrugged, turning to look out at the passing land again, “Said I’ll pay tomorrow. Some guy I’d ran into earlier, trading, overheard us and told the amigos that I wasn’t going to be there tomorrow. Guess I told him a bit too much when we got talking. A bunch of people started surrounding me, and I hit a couple, they hit back, so I pulled out a knife. The rest is self-explanatory. ”  
Troy burst into a fit of laughter, and it took a while before he could actually speak. “Jesus, I’m wearing off on you.”  
“I’ve been this way for a long time.” Nick spoke quickly, then changed the subject, “You think we going to find anything today?”  
“Doesn’t look like it.”  
“Okay.”

The night sky consumed the sun, leaving only outlines of distant mountain ranges and an abundance of stars in the sky.  
“Think we’d better stop.” Nick suggested, sitting up properly in his seat. His tailbone had gone a bit numb.  
“We haven’t found anywhere yet.”  
“Set-up camp. Besides, you look spent.” Nick studied Troy’s face, dark shadows under his eyes.  
“Then you can take over.” Troy seemed set on continuing through the night, but Nick knew it was a terrible idea to stay out in the dark.  
“Look, I’m not a great driver. I can do it tomorrow in the day, but definitely not at night,” Nick said, adamant on getting his way, “Don’t get us killed.”  
Troy grunted in frustration, but stopped the car despite his need to keep moving, find a building of some sort.

Troy started a fire with a fire plow, and Nick went hunting for any sort of animal he could find, and after a while he found an already dead ground squirrel. He examined it, concluding it must’ve died from dehydration. He was surprised no other predators got it, but it must’ve been recent.  
They cooked the rodent over the meager fire, then shared it by tearing the meat off with their fingers.  
“We leave as soon as the sun rises.” Troy said between chews of the stringy grub.  
“Why? What’s the hurry? We got nowhere to be, we have all the goddamn time in the world. Just look at this all, it’s a wreck, and there’s no responsibilities. I think you could manage with extra sleep.” Nick exclaimed, pulling on his shirt. He felt extremely warm. The flame of the fire flickered across his face.  
“I don’t think I’ll be able to.” Troy sighed and started to fidget with the ground squirrel.  
“You’ve got a sleeping problem?”  
“No… not usually, at least…” Troy lifted his gaze to Nick, cautiously, like a dog waiting for it’s owner to notice the torn up couch. Troy was sitting hunched over with his elbows on his crossed legs, while Nick laid a couple of feet away from him, leaning against a rock.  
“What’s got you down then?” Nick pushed, taking the last bite of his food. He still wasn’t satiated.  
Troy bit his lip , then his head wavered around for a bit before he opened his mouth, “Jake.”  
“Oh.” Nick whispered, a sense of guilt washing over his entirety.  
“I… I don’t know what I felt about Jake when he was alive… but I do know what I’m feeling now… grief. Growing up… he was there for me… and then…” Troy trailed off, and passed the rest of his meat to Nick. He’d lost his appetite.  
“I pushed him Troy.” Nick hesitantly took the meat, but couldn’t help wolfing it down once it was in his grasp.  
“You wouldn’t of had to if I didn’t lead the horde… if I wasn’t exiled… if Jake.... or Madison just shot me when he had the chance.” Troy looked at anything but Nick, not wanting to meet the eyes of his friend.  
“Don’t say that Troy. Whatever happened is in the past. You’re here with me now, and I’m glad you are.  
“It-” Troy started to talk, but he was immediately cut off.  
“And don’t think about saying that ‘it should’ve been me’ cliché bullshit, because that’s not true and you know it. Everything happens for a reason.” Nick sat up, drawing one knee to his chest.  
Troy finally looked Nick in the eyes, and nodded. That was all that had to be said. He looked up to the sky, at all the stars. He stared at them for an eternity, but eventually got pulled back to reality from hearing all of Nick’s sniffling. The younger boy had broken out in goosebumps, sweat running down his forehead.  
“Nick?” Troy questioned, concern laced in his voice.  
“Withdrawals. I told you, hurt like a bitch.” Nick laughed poorly, and pressed his sweaty fingers to his temples. His head and heart were simultaneously pounding, multiplied tenfold in his eardrums.  
“Maybe you should go lay in the truck. Best to sleep now.”  
Nick nodded, but knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep. He got into the back and stretched out on the three seats, then immediately began clawing at his shirt. Troy sat at the fire, unsure how to help. He heard Nick’s groaning, and shuddered. It was going to be a long night.  
“Troy…” Nick called out in a cracked voice.  
Troy stood up and got into the driver’s seat of the vehicle, then turned to face Nick. “Yeah?”  
“This,” Nick paused to cough, “is pretty open back here.”  
“Yeah. I’ll stay up, take watch.” Troy’s jaw twitched, watching the boy jerk around.  
“What… happened….to you getting… rest?” Nick managed to choke out, and immediately returned to subdued whining.  
“When you drive tomorrow.” Troy blurted out, but realised Nick wouldn’t be able to do any driving if he was even halfway better by the morning. Troy was feeling drowsy, but sleep was out of the question - he had to stay awake in case anything showed up in the night, Nick had no capacity to protect them.  
Nick couldn’t comprehend anything Troy said, so he nodded and pretended he knew what he meant. His muscles were cramping up, his heartbeat sped up even more, and uncontrollable tears rolled down his cheeks. Nick thrusted his hips upwards, dropped them, sat up, then rolled onto the floor of the truck, and continued doing that over and over in several variations. Troy was having a bit of a panic attack himself, unsure of how to help. He didn’t know if he should let Nick continue to move, hold him down, or anything in between.  
“Nick, try and breathe. Nick!” Troy tried to stay calm, but found it tough to do so while watching the boy thrash around in the back seat, knocking his head against everything.  
“I can’t! I fucking-” Nick gasped, spine arching upwards.  
“Shit, this hits fast, I… I didn’t think it would be this severe right away.” Troy whispered, and positioned himself to be sitting on the center console so he could better reach Nick. “Nicky, I’m right here. Do what you need to do, I’m here and it’ll be okay. It’ll pass.”  
Nick only caught a few words of what Troy said, and tried to slow his breathing. He was able to stop convulsing so violently, but was still in immense discomfort. Nick pulled at his gray t-shirt, which was sticking to his damp skin.  
“Troy… it hurts…” Nick griped, now pulling on Troy’s shirt.  
“Hey, I know it does. You’ve gotten through it before. You’re going to be okay.” Troy said, grabbing Nick’s wrists.  
Nick looked at the knuckles clasped around his wrists and smiled slightly. “Thanks.”  
Troy blinked hard, then looked at Nick’s eyes. His gaze flitted down to Nick’s lips, if only for a second, but it happened.  
Troy was sweating himself, the truck seeming way too small all at once.  
“Yeah. I’ll be here all night, don’t worry. Need some water?”  
Nick nodded and watched his hands fall to his side as Troy let go of them to rummage through a bag at the foot of the passenger seat. He pulled out a plastic bottle and cracked it open, then twisted back around to face the pale boy.  
He didn’t want Nick to try and drink it himself, he could spazz out at any moment and spill the water, so he pressed the lip of the bottle to Nick’s mouth and tilted up, only giving him a small sip.  
For a while, they were still, except for Nick’s occasional rubbing behind his ear or scratching of his arm. Troy almost dozed off a couple of times, but forced himself to remain woke. Eventually, Nick began to convulse again, and Troy was right there beside him, offering soothing words and occasional drinks of water.  
Throughout the night, although Nick’s thoughts were quite muddled, he knew one thing - Troy cared about him, and Nick was glad the feelings were mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for the comments it amazes me  
> when i'm writing i just keep thinking, 'wow this is so boring' it's good to know you guys are enjoying it :)  
> also are these chapters too short?


	4. All The Time in The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Nick find themselves in a empty town, with a possible asylum for the dynamic duo.

Nick’s eyelids tore open. He was able to recognize his surroundings in a few seconds. Troy was driving and must've hit a rock, or something of the sort.  
Nick sat up, despite a headache begging him to remain stagnant, and looked out at the back road. He noticed a human body across the road - what they'd run over. Nick simply sighed and turned back, getting comfy in the backseat again.  
Troy noticed Nick woke up, but didn't want to talk to him. He hoped Nick would just fall back asleep for at least another hour. It had only been when the sun started to rise that Nick finally passed out from exhaustion. Troy slept an hour, then started out on the road. He'd always been disciplined with sleep when he needed to be, never missing a wake up time.  
However, the hour of sleep wasn't enough for him. He'd been driving about four hours, and almost dozed off at the wheel a few times, but somehow managed to stay alert. Troy was no idiot, he knew this wasn’t the smartest idea he’d ever had. However, we was taking a risk to find somewhere to stay as soon as they could. The idea of them being out in the open like this unsettled him profoundly, a feeling or position that he wasn’t used to.  
“Troy, could you maybe tone down on the swerving?” Nick’s voice came from the backseat, “Let me drive.”  
“Yeah, pretty sure you’re less qualified than me to drive right now.”  
“It’s been over twelve hours since I last took any opiate, opioids, whatever the hell they were, I shouldn’t have anymore spasms, just things like headaches and cravings.”  
Troy considered the offer for half-a-minute, then shook his head, “No.”  
“What the hell? Troy!” Nick protested, sitting up straight and hitting his head on the car roof.  
“You could be lying. I don’t know how withdrawals work, for all I know you could freak out right now.” Troy stated, his tone serious.  
“When have I ever lied to you?” Nick growled, rubbing the top of his scalp.  
“Maybe the fact that you killed my dad. That’s a possibility.” Troy raised his eyebrows, then looked in the rear-view and met Nick’s brown eyes. Nick’s eyes reminded Troy of the fences surrounding Broke Jaw Ranch, so much strength left in them despite years of weathering.  
Nick shut himself up, but climbed into the front seat. Troy slapped him on the arm and questioned, “What’re you doing? Go back to sleep!”  
“No way I’ll be able to sleep knowing you could easily kill us anytime.” Nick swatted his hand away and stared out the window, a perpetual habit of his. He squinted, noticing something in the horizon. It looked like a cluster of buildings. Nick didn’t say anything for awhile, not wanting to get Troy’s hopes up. When it was about thirteen kilometres away, he decided it would be worth checking out. “Troy, over there.”  
Troy’s gaze shifted to what Nick was talking about, and he softly gasped. Without speaking, he continued and took the next right turn, eventually getting there after about fifteen minutes.  
They drove up into the small town, Nick estimated that it’d had a population of around 1,000. Doors of buildings were strewn open, windows were smashed in and shattered into millions of pieces, and vehicles and furniture littered the streets.  
“Maybe something is here for us.” Nick suggested, meeting Troy’s eyes.  
“Yeah. Maybe.” Troy sighed, turning the truck off and getting out, locking it after they got supplies to protect themselves with.  
They started with the building closest to them, a grocery store which had only a few well-hidden supplies in it, like candy bars in an air vent and bandages pressed between books - Troy found these after knocking down a bookshelf accidentally.  
Troy went into the back room and noticed a pathetic walker limping towards him. He pulled out his trench knife then stepped towards it, laughing grimly. He kicked the back of it’s knees, sending it sprawling to the ground, and then swiftly knelt down to stab the back of its skull.  
“No need to impress me anymore, Troy. I already like you.” Nick smiled from behind Troy.  
“Just enjoy it.” Troy ironically grinned and stood again, wiping his knife on his shirt.  
Nick snickered and stepped past the carcass, searching high and low in every crevice.

There wasn't much for the two boys to scavenge, but it was enough to have been worth their time. They returned to the truck and drove down the Main Street, Nick frowning at the distressed town, thinking of what it used to be.  
“Hey, Nick.” Troy spoke when they were on the edge of the town.  
Nick looked towards Troy, then past him and at the car wrecking yard. “What about it?”  
Troy took a sharp left, then drove up the short road leading to it. “I've got a good feeling about this place.”  
“A car smashing lot? This is what you see potential in, of course.” Nick rolled his eyes, sitting up straight.  
“It's not permanent, maybe a week or two. Come on, you said we're in no rush. There’s even a chainlink fence all around it.” Troy pleaded, even though he was already parking in front of the main building.  
“Nothing's permanent.” Nick nonchalantly said, but didn't decline. They got out of the truck once again, then began to scour the lot. They started with the main building, then the dirt grounds littered with half crushed cars and parts scattered around.  
Nick had to take a couple of breaks, trying to rub away his goosebumps and massage out his muscle cramps. Troy would always be standing there, waiting and keeping watch.  
It took them a couple of hours to clean out the walkers, burn them, and then settle down in the staff room of the main building at the front. They cleared furniture out of the centre and created beds from several chair cushions.  
Once that was complete, it was half past one, and neither knew what to do.  
“God damn boring as hell. Worst part of this whole situation.” Troy growled and kicked a bookshelf.  
“I’ll take these uneventful hours over someone dying any day.” Nick said, standing to pick up a granola bar wrapped from the ground and toss it out.  
The other just grunted and fell back onto his make-shift bed, staring at the slightly-uneven, off-white tiled ceiling. He tried to think of something to strike up a conversation, but his mind was blank. However, he did have one thing to ask if he could gather the courage to speak it.  
“Do you miss Luciana?” There, he said it.  
Nick considered the question, taking a seat on his own cushions. “Yeah. Of course. Everyday.”  
Troy chewed on his lip, staring at the ceiling still. He just nodded, and then tried to doze off. Despite heavy eyelids, he couldn’t fall asleep. Especially when Nick talked again.  
“That’s all? No explanation of why you asked?” Nick whined, and when Troy opened his eyes, he saw Nick standing over top of him.  
“Jesus, can’t you sit down? I was just curious.” Troy rolled his eyes and sat up straight  
“That’s not much of a reason, seems like a...a random question to just be curious about, don’t you think?” Nick snickered, tilting his head slightly and biting his lip.  
“I’ve got all the time in the world now to think about things and I’m running out of what to talk about, so yeah, it is random.” Troy lied as he’d been thinking about it for a few days now, the reason why was unknown to him.  
Nick was going to speak, but coughed instead.  
“God, you aren’t getting sick, are you?” Troy groaned in annoyance, standing up and forcing Nick to take a seat himself.  
“Hope not. Maybe it’s a symptom? I don’t know.” The brown-haired boy sighed and crossed his arms, rubbing them together. They were covered in goosebumps and he still had sweat running down his forehead.  
Troy jumped from his bed and grabbed a bottle of water from his bag leaning against the wall, and tossed it at Nick who caught it and took a sip.  
“It’s freezing in here.” Nick complained, placing the bottle down and going back to cradling himself.  
“Hold up.” Troy ran to the parking lot, and grabbed a quilt hidden under a seat in his truck that they’d found while patrolling earlier. He rushed back inside and threw the gold-and-navy onto Nick.  
Nick muttered a thank-you and laid down, pulling the fabric flush against his clothing. He then blinked feverishly, eyes darting all over the place. Troy raised an eyebrow, not quite sure what the younger boy was doing.  
“Nick?”  
“There’s someone else in here.” Nick moaned, panic settling across his features.  
“No, there’s not. We’re alone.” Troy argued.  
“I see her.”  
“Do you know her?” Troy questioned, shifting his weight onto his other foot.  
“Yeah,” Nick cried, “Alicia. Why’s my sister here?”  
He was getting worked up, almost at the point of hyperventilating.  
Troy took no time in kneeling down beside his friend and grabbing his hand, “No, Nick, it’s only me. We’re alone. Alicia is safe, she’s on her own.”  
Nick’s eyes shot wide open, “You don’t know that she’s safe.”  
“I don’t, but she chose to go out on her own because she’d be happier that way. Chances are you’ll never know if she’s safe or not again, but just like you Alicia had to get away from your mom.” Troy whispered slowly, still holding onto Nick’s hand. Nick squeezed, and nodded. Troy knew he’d said the right thing, and he felt a sense of pride, which was quickly overtaken by tranquillity. Here he was, sitting in a cramped room with the only person who understood him while the world went to shit. Troy realised he was one lucky bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took longer than usual!  
> busy week :)


	5. Hermosa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy finally reverts back to old habits.

“Once we’re on our last limb of supplies we get out of here.” Nick stated. It was now past dusk, Nick was feeling better. There was no sound except for Troy pushing gravel around with his heavy boots and Nick’s solemn voice.  
“Why?”  
“It's got no character here.” Nick shrugged and eyed Troy. They were sitting outside in the parking lot, tired of being confined in the space.  
“Really? You want some dream American family home in this situation?” Troy argued.  
“No,” Nick said, drawn out and accusing, “but it's not exactly where I can see us having a good mentality state.”  
“When do you ever have a decent mentality state, poet?”  
“Look, Troy. We could barely last a couple of hours in that room. It's torture here.”  
Troy didn't say anything and keep piling the pebbles and dust into a small mound made by him. The dim light from the moon stretched across his features, revealing the five o’clock shadow resting on his chin and jawline. Nick jerked his head, restraining himself from lashing out at the other boy. He didn't want to cause unnecessary tension between them, it always made him extremely uncomfortable to know that who he cared about most was ticked off at him.  
He discarded the subject and would revisit it in the morning. For the time being, he watched Troy’s hill expand layer by layer.  
“What're you doing?” Nick spoke after a while.  
“Anything, so I’m not sitting here stagnant.” Troy stopped for once and looked up at Nick.  
“Why don’t you go to sleep?” Nick questioned with a tilt of his head.  
“Not tired,” Troy sighed, then added ‘physically’ as an afterthought. Nick just replied with an understanding, pathetic smile.  
They both jumped slightly when the chain-link fence began to clank and jangle, a walker having dumped it’s whole body weight against the barrier.  
Troy relaxed and slipped out his trench knife from his waistband. He sauntered over to the fence and slipped the knife in the walking carcass’ head through an opening in the fence. It slumped to the asphalt, groans abruptly stopping.  
“You shouldn’t of made us leave the bazaar.” Nick finally spat out, having been trying to say it for a while.  
“Nick, don't you listen? You would've destroyed yourself!” Troy snapped back, instantly infuriated. He's told Nick enough times, he should be able to understand that.  
“Better than sitting out here with nothing to do.” Nick spat, his words acid. Troy was reminded of one of his nightmares.  
“Then we find something to do,” Troy kicked the fence and cursed, “Did you even notice that I hated it there?”   
“Why’d you hate it so much?” Nick shouted, standing and confronting Troy face to face now. The noise was drawing more walkers towards the auto lot.  
“All those people, the drinking, it wasn’t for me.” Troy spoke, his volume slightly lower this time.  
“Why're you so afraid of drinking, of other people Troy? This happened before the world went to shit too. I get that you were sheltered, but it was normal.” Nick mocked Troy as if he were a child, which vexed Troy beyond comprehension. They were still staring each other in the eyes, mere inches apart.   
“Who the fuck do you think I am? My dad was an alcoholic, I know all about it! Just because you came from the big city doesn't mean I know any less than you, or that you've had it harder. Nick, if you weren’t so fixated on yourself you’d realize that you’re not the only one who’s ruptured.” Troy ranted and before Nick could argue, the fuming man shoved past him into the car lot, maneuvering through the junk.  
Nick threw his hands up in defeat. He wasn’t sure what he did to piss Troy off that badly, but he did know Troy was a ticking time-bomb who could blow up at any moment. He felt a mix of anger at Troy and guilt towards himself.

Troy knew he should go back to Nick. He wasn’t sure if he could face Nick at the moment though, without shouting again. He’d been sitting in the bed of a truck that was detached from the rest of the vehicle for an hour, just trying to wrangle in his thoughts and force them back under again. It was impossible - he was just driving himself nuts. Troy had expended all his energy into keeping his emotions under control, and Nick finally tickled the nerve that was about to snap, sending Troy into his usual rage.  
‘I’m getting bad again.’ Troy thought, a sour taste lining his tongue. He was running his tongue along his straight teeth, when the calling of his name made him snap and clench onto the fleshy muscle, rust-blood spilling and taking the place of saliva.  
Nick was standing in a dirt patch void of any auto parts in front of the truck bed, shining a flashlight in Troy’s face. And, he was grinning like an idiot.  
Troy covered and rolled his eyes, “What’s up with you, happy-ass?”   
“Glad I found you. Glad you didn’t run away.” Nick switched the flashlight off and climbed into the bed, sitting beside Troy.  
“I was going to wait till morning to do that, I’m smart enough to pack first.” Troy stated with monotony.   
Nick punched him in the shoulder and Troy finally smirked. Nick missed that smile, for the short time it was gone.  
“I’m-” Nick started, but Troy stopped him.  
“I’m sorry. We’ll leave when we have to. I didn’t mean to say you’re selfish either. I’m sorry. You’re the least-selfish person I know.” Troy said, unsure if it was even himself saying these words. It was so out of character for him.  
Nick tried to hide his smile, but it forced through and his teeth showed themselves.  
“You should try being nice more often. I like it.” Nick stretched out his legs and glanced at Troy.  
“I’m not good enough for you being myself?” Troy raised an eyebrow and an invisible string pulled down a corner of his lip, creating a funny-looking expression.   
“Don’t fool yourself.” Nick slouched and looked back at Troy, not just a quick glance this time but actually taking it all in.  
Troy pulled away from the eye-contact and got onto his knees then shuffled to the edge of the bed, placing his elbows on the side and gawking at the stars in the sky. They were like words in a book, each one playing an important part in conveying the story.  
Nick copied Troy’s actions, not wanting to let him get too far.  
“Ever since I told you I love the night sky, you can’t stop looking.” Nick said matter-of-factly, running his hands through his hair.  
“Hermosa.” Troy said, an echo of what Nick told him back then.   
Nick and Troy both turned to each other at the same time. By luck. Just like how every fucking thing has been by luck. Them meeting, Nick narrowly escaping being killed by Troy’s group, Nick not assassinating Troy that night of the hunt, the Natives choice to exile Troy instead of slaughter him, Nick staying with Troy instead of following Madison like always. On second thought though, they both knew it wasn’t luck. It was a conscious decision.  
They weren’t really sure who leaned in first, but it happened. Nick tilted his head slightly, Troy put his hand on Nick’s shoulder to steady himself. Nick caught a taste of Troy’s blood.  
Both of them considered pulling away from the kiss, but neither acted on the thought - they barely even moved, in fact. It was sloth-like, sleepy, and effete. The whole thing had an air of sadness to it, two messed-up people sharing their first kiss which had been long awaited in a car dump after an altercation.  
Troy pulled away before Nick - predictable. He stared in the younger boy’s eyes, stars reflected upon his iris’. Neither of them spoke, they were both choking on their own pride.  
Troy fell backwards, against the metal. He waited a few moments before waving Nick over, who laid right beside him. Nick was pulled onto Troy’s chest, and they laid there for the night. Inevitably, they both fell asleep - Troy’s head was void of any nightmares that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, busy life  
> also sorry about the cliché night-sky stuff but it kinda happened on it's own


	6. Pandion Haliaetus

Troy was startled awake by an osprey landing on the wall of the truck bed, letting out it’s high-pitched whistling call. The thought to gun it down briefly passed through Troy’s mind, but he found his hand unwilling to reach for the pistol tucked in his pocket.   
He listened and eyed the osprey warily for several minutes, keeping still. Troy was bemused that the bird had not flown away yet. He studied the hawk, long wings connected to a slender body, a white head with a brown stripe slashed across it’s saffron iris’, and pearly-tipped feathers. It was one of the most gorgeous beings he’d seen in a long time despite the irritated bald patch on it’s chest.  
“Pandion haliaetus.” Nick’s murmur came from below Troy. He was still draped across Troy’s chest, which he had somehow completely forgotten about. Now that he was reminded of the younger boy’s presence, he felt short of breath as his heart began to flutter.  
“The latin name? How do you know that?” Troy tilted his head down, keeping his voice low.  
“My favourite bird. Learnt it as a kid and it just stuck, I’d always be repeating to Alicia, my mom…,” Nick paused, inhaling and smiling sadly, “my dad.”  
Troy nodded and hesitantly placed his hand on Nick’s head, running his fingers through the greasy strands of hair.  
The osprey went silent for a few moments, then took flight. Troy felt a sort of despair with the leaving of the bird, but that quickly subsided as he remembered Nick was still there. He selfishly wished Nick hadn’t woken up yet, so that he could’ve taken a while to hold him and watch him secretly to ensure that the memory bore into his mind.  
Troy dreaded that they would both pretend this never happened and continue travelling together without any more advances. He didn’t want that to happen. He wanted what was happening right then.  
So, he managed to get Nick stay there for an hour, only shifting every so often so limbs wouldn’t fall asleep. They rested mostly in silence, a slight discomfort to the air. Neither wanted to acknowledge what was happening.  
Nick knew he had to get up though, or else he might not ever move. He leaned forward and pushed up onto his toes.  
“I’m going to get something to eat.” He said, swinging his legs over the edge, landing with a thud on the dirt. Troy couldn’t help smiling now that Nick showed actual interest in food.   
He got up as well. He was still weak at the knees but managed to follow Nick through the wreck and into their temporary shelter.   
They had some dried jerky and water, sitting on seperate cheap leather couches in the lobby of the building, with full-wall glass windows looking out into the parking lot. Troy was fixated on the dead carcasses of the walkers which were still slumped against the chainlink fence.  
Meanwhile, Nick couldn’t pry his eyes off of Troy. His thoughts were appearing and then disappearing before he could even register it, sending his brain into overdrive.   
Troy finally snapped out of the staring and got whiplash from looking at Nick so quickly. “What’s up with the staring?”  
Nick took a moment to process the question before answering half-assedly, “Zoned out.”  
Troy simply nodded and took it as enough of a reply. He finished chewing on the last piece they’d portioned off and fell back deep into the couch, stretching his arms out behind his head. “Well, what now?”   
“We could... do some more bird watching, yell at each other gain, or sleep.” Nick offered sarcastically.  
Troy smirked and raised an eyebrow, “Or you could kiss me again.”  
Nick’s face immediately became flushed, and he defensively argued, “That was you who leaned in, not me.”  
Troy rolled his eyes and touched his sleeve, a nervous habit. He wasn’t really sure why he was nervous, he knew Nick and this was safe. This was okay. Nick wouldn’t end up hurting Troy, he knew that.  
In the back of his mind, he thought, ‘That’s only because I’m his only choice. If there were others, he could discard me easily.’  
He tried not to pay attention to that.  
“Wait.” Troy raised a finger and took off into the parking lot for their truck, remembering a game he’d left in there. He pulled the always-present keys out of his front pocket and unlocked the back door, grabbing a board game box. It was blue and white and said ‘Sequence’ in bold lettering on the front. He returned to Nick and placed it on the coffee table.  
“I’ve never played this, or heard of it, but better than nothing. Found it in the seniors home we looked at.” Troy said, sounding way too excited. Nick realized he was more upbeat than usual.  
“Okay, let’s set it up.”  
They spent in total five hours and sixteen minutes playing the game, Nick winning 12 - 9. The basic premise of the game is to use your hand of cards to place tokens on the placemat and get five in a row. Simple, but much better than complaining about nothing to do.  
“Good game, but my brain’s spent now.” Nick breathed out sharply, placing his red tokens back in the bag. Troy grunted in frustration but put his green tokens back as well.  
“You’re just quitting while you’re ahead so I won’t beat you.” Troy whined.  
“That logic doesn’t work. One of us has to win.”  
Troy packed up the board, and slammed the lid on it like a child throwing a tantrum.  
“Stop that.” Nick laughed, standing up and reaching towards the ceiling then touching his toes. He then waved Troy over, who got up as well and walked up to Nick. Nick stepped closer, closing the space between them. He looked up into Troy’s exhausted green eyes.  
“You look so fucking tired.” Nick stated.  
Troy turned his head to the side, avoiding looking at Nick. Nick wasn’t sure what he was doing, so he stared for a while before breaking away from the invisible grasp and walking to their room.  
Troy just watched him walk off, unsure of what that was all about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry how long this took, I've been busy as hell. Also, apologies for the shitty chapter.  
> Just know I appreciate the comments and they're what keep me going :)  
> Also I'll edit this tomorrow, I have ten minutes till I gotta blast for a date


End file.
